Amanda Broughton
10/21/15
By Amanda Jenkins Broughton
36 days in…82 days out
82 days already? These days have flown by since I left the hospital and yes, I know I’m overdue for an update. So where to start? I’ll try to pick up where I left off last time.
The first week or so of being home was rough. At one point I told Scott that I actually felt physically better when I was in the hospital than when I was home. It didn’t take long for us to realize that it was due to the fact that I left the hospital with no mention of continuing steroids by the doctors and my body had gone into an adrenal shock. We were lucky enough to have a friend who is a pulminologist who quickly recognized the issue and got me back on steroids. Of course I wanted nothing to do with steroids and wanted off as soon as possible but what I did not know was how slowly you have to wean yourself off the drug. This is actually still an issue we are trying to work through and it’s been surprisingly harder than we expected. Again, this has been one of the times when I am glad that my husband’s quirky nature to research things to great extent has turned out to be a blessing. Funny how that works out. But the good thing is that we are coming more and more aware of how my body reacts to things and know how to adjust when needed.
My days fly by and are typically filled with some type of medical appointment. I feel like Peter from Office Space when he says, “Bob, I have 8 different bosses right now,” because I have about 8 different medical advisors that I see. I have an oncologist, a pulmonologist, a holistic doctor, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, a nurse, a chiropractor, a Chinese medicine doctor and I’m looking to bring more on. Ok, not really because I can barely keep up with the ones I have so far. But I think I could squeeze in a massage therapist if I had to. All that being said, each week is full of appointments and calls that somehow turn into a full time job. But these appointments are good things. I’m gaining a lot of strength each week and can see great improvement since leaving the hospital. Muscles are slowly coming back and endurance is improving too. We recorded a few videos of my first time walking or the first time I got out of the hospital bed and those videos actually give me great encouragement. I can see how weak I was and how far I have come since then.
Some days are better than others for sure. I have had my share of high emotion melt downs when I’m just pissed that any of this is happening. Mad that I have to put my family through such a thing, mad that I am not physically able to do more (yet), mad that people I know are dying from this disease, just simply mad. Moments when you feel like it’s just not meant to be like this. I’m supposed to be running, playing with my kids, going to fall festivals, homeschooling Ellie, making deliciously sugared up desserts just for myself and not even thinking about stupid things like cancer and how to defeat it. So while I may seem super positive to you, I have my share of low moments. But like a friend told me, don’t camp out there. Your energy needs to stay focused on the good and there is much good.
The thing that comes more and more apparent to us is our need to focus on God, his truth and promises. A pastor said to me recently, there is a difference in believing in God and believing God. (Come on church! – that’s for you Megan). We intentionally believe God for his word. We pray scriptures that proclaim healing in my body. We take authority over the enemy who would find nothing but joy in his attempt to kill, steal and destroy. We proclaim life to every organ of my body in Jesus’ name. We praise God for the day ahead of me before my feet hit the floor. I’m not saying this is easy or comes naturally, but it’s a battle that we have to armor ourselves with each day. What’s been really cool is to see how God continues to put the right people in our path. For example, upon leaving the hospital I was set up with home health care for physical therapy. After about two weeks, there was some kind of staffing issue that required a new company to be sent out. Next thing I know I get a call from a friend whose child attends Ellie’s school to say she was assigned to me for therapy. Now I must say that we weren’t close friends, more of acquaintances, but this is the same person that visited the hospital the night they put a ventilator in and prayed over me. Of course I didn’t know that at the time. This is just another example of how awesome the ICS community is! So now she is my therapist and more than just physical because her heart to serve me and show me God’s love goes well beyond exercise. This can not be a coincidence, it just cant. I’m so thankful for our time together, both because I get stronger and because she lifts my spirits every time.
There have been a lot of those incidents that you cant ignore. When you know God is right here with you, helping you through this time. There is tremendous comfort in knowing that.
Recently I read a bible verse in a completely different way. Psalm 23:4, the verse I had always associated with funerals. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; you rod and staff, they comfort me.” What stood out to me this time is the word ‘THROUGH’. I am walking THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death. I’m not staying here, but walking THROUGH it. I like that.
So how are the kids you ask? They are great! Ellie is my tender hearted child...