Sept. 15 2014
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
This is the verse that I hold tight to these past 6 days.
There are days you will always remember. Maybe a childhood birthday, the day you left for college, the day you got married and the day your children are born. You can remember almost every detail of that day, as if i happened yesterday. Last week I added a new date to my memory bank that I don't think I will ever forget, September 9th.
For those of you that have not heard the full story, I will fill you in now. And let me say that if I did not reach out to you individually, please don't take it personally, it's one of those things that you dont want to hear yourself say over and over again.
It all started a few months back when I noticed a small nodule on my neck located above my collarbone. For a couple of week I just thought, "Well this is kind of weird." But that was it, I didn't think much more about it. And then a month passes and it's still there. I didn't have a primary doctor (mine had moved) so it took a little time to find someone and be seen. By the time I got to a doctor, I had also developed a cough, a random dry cough. He took a chest x-ray and nothing stood out to him so off to an ENT I went. I got a call a couple days later that the radiologist saw a shadow on my chest and recommended a CT scan. At this point we are thinking it is some kind of infection, nothing more. Within a day or two my doctor called to say the CT scans indicated some abnormalities in my lymph nodes, left lung and liver. A biopsy was scheduled for 9/5. I was nervous about the procedure but only slightly because I've always been healthy and I'm not a high risk candidate for anything serious. Then we waited for the results. On Tuesday, 9/9, my phone rang while at work. Oddly enough I had stepped out of a client meeting to gather some papers when the call came in. And this is when the ball dropped. "Amanda, this is not what we wanted. The biopsy is positive for cancer." As most of you know, I'm seconds away from crying at any point, good or bad, it's just how I'm wired. I stood there in total shock, my heart beating 100 miles a minute, an overwhelming urge to throw up. I told him I could not talk and would come to his office for more info. I went to a private room to call Scott, barely able to catch my breath. As I called Scott all I could say over and over again is, God is good all the time, God is GOOD ALL the TIME. Was I reminding myself this? Was God speaking through me to comfort me in possibly the worst moment of my life to date? I think both are true. If I truly believe that God loves me fully, that He cherishes me, that His plans for me are Good, that even in the darkest moments He is right alongside me holding my hand, if I believe this then even now I should praise Him. And I'm scared, of course I am but I am determined to keep my focus on God and not fear. Even in these very early days of discovery I can see the hand of God in my life and the blessings He is pouring out on our family through our friends and family. Yes I found out at work that I have cancer but within minutes I was being prayed over by my awesome godly team and I just happen to work with a lung cancer survivor who within minutes was comforting me and looking me in the eye saying, "YOU CAN BEAT THIS." God has put people in my life that I have always cherished but in moments like these you can step back and see why exactly they are there. And maybe it was for this exact battle. The amount of love and prayers we have received this past week is beyond beautiful. It's hard to even grasp. Me saying, Thank You, seems so small but please know your prayers and words of encouragement are felt and do make a difference in our days. We truly have been blessed by you all. Our families have been incredibly strong and encouraging in just the way we need it. I don't know where we would be without the love and support we get from them. Thanking God for my retired parents who dropped everything to be here to support us. The part that has been so beautiful for Scott and me is the renewing of our love for each other. Scott has certainly had low moments of sadness and anger but his commitment to me has moved me in ways that I cant explain. His faith in our God is profound. When I am having a moment where my tears take me over, he know exactly what to say and he has poured scripture over me for hours, even when I was asleep. He is so determined to beat this and is doing everything he can to help make that possible. He was absolutely created for me and I am so thankful to go through something like this with him by my side. I'm sorry, I have rambled on quite a bit and if you are still reading, thank you.
So where are we now? We saw two oncologists today. They confirmed that I have Stage 4 lung cancer. Writing that is sickening. How do I go from a cough to stage 4 cancer? It just doesn't make sense. But what I have learned is that lung cancer has a way of hiding with very little symptoms and will spread before you even know it exists. The doctor told me today, "There is a growing epidemic of young non-smoking women who have lung cancer." Really? So how does one prevent lung cancer?!? This is still a mystery to me. We have more tests in the coming days to determine exactly what type of genetic mutation took place so my therapy will be targeted. There is also a chance of me participating in a very promising clincial study at Moffitt. All of this will be determined fairly soon. Many of you have asked what you can do to help. Thank you for that, really. At this point I don't even know. As my treatment plan starts to come together I will know more and will definitely seek out help in areas needed. But I do know that my army of prayer warriors will seek God's glory through this and I know His plans for me, for my family are GOOD. Specifically pray that the genetic test results grant us the ability to halt the growth of this cancer without the need for chemo. Specifically pray for discernment as we choose a doctor and treatment plan. Specifically pray for peace in our home so that we can maintain the energy needed to love on our babies without burdening them with our stress.
Thank you again for the love you have shown our family. We feel it and send it back to you!I will continue to remember that God is good all the time and praise Him in my darkness.
Amanda and Scott
Game On!